With a Grateful Heart

I know that I often dote on my wife and daughter. It is not as though it isn’t well deserved. More and more people know the stress and work that comes with being a caregiver, but few understand the commitment and sacrifice involved in what it takes to do it 24/7. My wife and daughter have been maintaining this vigil over me for two years now. (Actually, the two-year mark won’t occur for six days, December 17.) Holidays are especially hard because they are unable to attend family gatherings because of me. Except for being quadriplegic and mute, they too are Locked in. Jonell keeps up with her Sisters, Father, and friends by phone and on Facebook when she can. Lydia gets to play with JeraLyn and Jase, a friend named Kennidy, as well as some others from time to time. She will occasionally venture out with one of her two brothers for a few hours. Their personal sacrifice is more than anyone should have to bear. Jonell has a life, a family, and before my stroke, I’m sure she had plans of her own and how she was going to live her life. Lydia, just 12 when my stroke happened, was forced to grow up much faster than other girls her age. Sometimes I just start weeping when I think of the loss of innocence. Cold weather is hard too as Jonell only gets a couple of hours of sleep at a stretch. She has to constantly feed our wood stove to maintain a bearable temperature in the house. Wood heat is our only means to stay warm. Over the years we have gotten quite good at knowing how much wood to use and how often to feed the stove to keep the house comfortable. It has really become an art form of sorts. Just another of the tasks she has had to take on. I want to give them both so much, but they ask for so little. I suggested once that maybe I should go into a home. Jonell pointed out that my disability would be taken away and used for my care. Which would mean she would have to find a job and send Lydia to a public school. If she was required to work nights, arrangements would have to be made to care for Lydia. None of us would see each other very much. Even if disability isn’t much, it’s better than the alternative. I figured out she only makes about $5 an hour based on an 8-hour day. But she works much more than an 8-hour day. That doesn’t even factor in for Lydia. I wouldn’t even know how to figure something like that out. Let’s just agree there aren’t people beating down our door to take their place. For now, and for as long as it is practical and they will tolerate me, things will remain as they are. Jonell and I have talked about knowing there will come a day when she will not physically be able to care for me any longer. The day is fast approaching as well when Lydia may want to leave the nest to explore for herself what’s out there. She is an extraordinary young lady and the world will be her oyster. When and if she decides to go, it will be with my blessing. I have learned firsthand what all these two women do out of love and I am so grateful and blessed that God placed them in my life. Merry Christmas my sweet angels!