In The Middle of Every Difficulty Lies Opportunity

It is difficult lying here. Few have the capacity to know or understand what being a paralyzed mute is like. It isn’t easy that’s for sure!
In addition to things you might expect such as having an itch and being unable to scratch it. You can’t begin to imagine how maddening it can be. Man! Did I get this many itches before my stroke? Now I have no choice but to live with them, I mean, it’s not like I can hire a professional scratcher to sit with me or expect someone to come at my beck and call.
It is also frustrating that you can’t simply put on a sweatshirt if you are cold, or take it off when you get warm. Those are just a couple of the things that I used to take for granted. I sure don’t now!
Let me tell you, those are a walk in the park, compared to the loneliness that I feel most days.
It’s not easy to explain, except to say that we humans are pack animals. Why else do we put our prisoners in solitary confinement? Isolation is a means of punishment.
It isn’t long until you start counting the number of pictures on a wall, or water stains on the ceiling. Those times are only broken up briefly by the people that come into your room. But since I’m obviously not much help, they have jobs to do. And they are quickly on their way. However, it certainly helps that I have Jonell and Lydia near me.
It isn’t fair for me to expect more of their time than I already take. You don’t how much there is to do to take care of me and run a small farm. And so, you just lay there hoping there will be a reason soon, that will cause someone to need to come back into my room. To bring some laundry, to adjust a machine, or to bring some medical supplies. Any reason will do.
My wife and little girl are exceptional caregivers. They often ask if I need anything. My being here has caused a huge disruption in their daily routine, and when I suggest that perhaps I should go back to a home, they simply say that they are doing it out of love.
They have adapted well. Most days are full, with my visitors who stop by to check on me, and they’re being consumed with regular household chores. There are days that they get to spend more time with me, and those are always the days I cherish most.
Yeah, you can’t begin to know what it’s like to be me. Nor would I wish it on you. I don’t want your sympathy; I just would like your understanding.
Everyone goes through a trial at some time or another. It’s how we come out on the other end that is most important that makes us who we are.
Nights are the most difficult for me, as it is the time when I know that I’m going to have the fewest number of interactions.
It’s funny, but you would think that I would look forward to the nights, as when I dream, I am always somebody who has full use of his arms and legs.
But often I just lie awake and stare at the ceiling or a wall, or the clock as the minutes pass by, turning into hours until suddenly it’s getting light outside.
Have I stayed awake all night again? I really need to stop doing this, I need my sleep. Then suddenly, bam! I fall asleep. Left to dream of a different me when I wasn’t noticed because of my limitations but rather my accomplishments. Where I was just another man, no better, no worse: someone other people just looked at but barely noticed.
I long to be that man again. And God willing, someday soon I will be!

An Unexpected Friend

Someone else with whom I have great respect for, and I have grown close with is a young woman by the name of Celia Montes.  If you remember from a previous post, she is the woman I didn’t know if I even liked at first when I first met her while in the hospital.  But what do I know? I’m just a guy in desperate need of some grooming techniques, who can’t even manage to fall out of bed! I mean come on! Gravity does all the work here. All you have to do is fall! Celia manages to hold down three jobs, one of which she isn’t paid for, being the editor and publisher of this BLOG. But I hope to change that soon, My hope is to someday find a way to be able to earn money through this BLOG If you’re wondering about that last comment. I don’t want just to be somebody who has to rely on the charity of others. I want to figure out how I can be someone who is a producer.  Though she hasn’t asked for compensation for editing and publishing this BLOG. She deserves it. She really is amazing! She has a video on Facebook and I imagine that if you could watch you would somehow know her.  It shows her with some of her patients, making them laugh and smile. She is also doing a little clowning of her own. It is plain to see that she enjoys her work.  I’m going to ask her if she can put up some sort of image with her business card or something. She really is how this whole BLOG came to be. As this machine is something I desperately needed. Without it, I could neither write this BLOG nor communicate my thoughts effectively. I shudder to imagine my world were I not to have this machine! It was Celia who organized a GoFund-Me on my behalf, found the machine for me, and made arrangements to have it transported from Tennessee. She then delivered it to me here in Missouri from her home in Illinois. She then set it up for me. This woman is a driving force! She’s making a nearly two-and-a-half-hour trip to my house on Saturday to make some adjustments and try out some different cameras for detecting my eyes.   We plan on having a cookout for her very soon. She brought with her husband Johnny. You may recall I first met him during my short stay at the nursing home. However, it was Jonell and Lydia’s first time to meet him. He’s a nice guy. Soon Clia will be sporting a new tee shirt that features some good-looking guy picture on the front and he is wearing nearly nothing. This shirt will soon be available to all of you who read this BLOG. By the way, the guy in question is completely covered to his neck with a blanket.  I should mention that the guy is me. But other than that, it’s exactly the same!

To My Dearest Lydia

Little girls grow up to choose men who are just like their fathers. I heard that said someplace onetime, and I believe it to be true.

Lydia is my little girl, and she will remain so until my last day on this earth. No matter how much she grows. And I have come to terms that she’s going to grow, I just pray the good Lord will let her stay my little girl just a little while longer!

Lydia is sweet and smart, she is homeschooled, so she is not like other 13-year-olds in that respect. People often say, when they find out we home school her, ” But what about socialization?”

She gets socialization, just not in some petri dish they call a school. There are some places where we can exercise control. Like with people we have knowledge of and who care for her. This post is for Lydia. It is not my soapbox so I can tell you what I think about public education. I think you’ve already figured that out anyway. You do you. If public schools work for you, great!

But as I said, this post is for and about Lydia.  I try to set an example, of how men should treat a woman. Men need to love and respect a woman. They need to show them dignity so that they feel safe and can follow a path of their choosing.

Lydia has always been a bright and inquisitive child growing up. She displays many of the qualities of her mom, sweetness, perseverance, intelligence, and kindness are just a few.

This would be a good place to tell you about a t-shirt I saw once that I’d like to have. No, this isn’t one of my many tangents or some shameless plug. Surprisingly, this is in sticking with the topic.

On the front of the t-shirt it said, ” Yes, I Have a Beautiful Daughter. On the back of the shirt, it said, ” I also have a gun, a shovel, and an alibi. “I am a huge proponent of the second amendment!

Lydia jumped right in when I arrived back home. I wouldn’t be surprised if she became a nurse. Although she has always been good and compassionate with animals. She very well could become the next Dr. Doolittle!

Lydia has the capacity to become anything she puts her mind to. Like her mom, she has the ingenuity to figure anything out. That’s why she is my computer person. And that’s why in many ways this BLOG is possible.

So, if you do come to call on my little girl, should you not pass the muster with her two brothers, and by some miracle, manage to get by them. They both love the second amendment even more than I do.

You will have to get past an impossible force. A virtual wall of impenetrability. A strength that no one has ever beat. That even the most powerful men flee or drop to their knees, begging for mercy. I mean her mom of course! Happy Birthday my sweet young woman!

If You Want To Go Far, Go Together

My wife is the most important person in my life. Followed by my children, and then by my friends. You can tell as she is mentioned in many of my posts.

We have been married for what seems like a lifetime because that’s what it has been. A lifetime of mostly joy but sometimes pain.

It has been a challenge sometimes. Raising our three children, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I know many can boast more children, I don’t personally, know many, who can boast more years! She has always given me my fair share in our relationship, and most times more. My hat goes off to her and women like her I don’t say all these things because she will no doubt read them; I say them because they are true.

From memories that stem from the operating room, where you were giving birth to our son Scott. And after Scott was born, the doctor looked at me and asked if I’d like to cut the umbilical cord. I looked at him and asked, as I looked around the room, “Why, isn’t there someone here more qualified. “

Too, just recently, you had me laughing so hard. I could barely breathe. You scared the, you know what out of me, literally! You blew a whistle on the phone at a telemarketer from a company, that refused to honor your request to stop calling us. It’s stuff like that which made us made for one another. It’s stuff like that which keeps us together.

We complete each other’s sentences, although these days you complete many more of mine. Of course, that makes sense, since I type what, like 12 to 15 words per minute.

I hope to have at least as many more years together on this earth, as we have spent together thus far or more. There are not many couples who can say they have what we have. Still, fewer who will ever figure out what that is. Our life together continues to be a journey. We both realize that and that is why it works!

I truly hope that you can find what I have found. Or that you have already found it. If ever you think of walking out that door, please reconsider. Don’t let, what may be the best part of your life go without a fight.

Jonell, I can easily say you are the best part of my life. This life isn’t what I thought it would be, because of you, it has been so much more.

Through all my shortcomings, you held me up and gave me a family I can be proud of. A home that although it may not be the mansion I dreamed of, has mostly been filled with laughter and tears of joy. And a lifetime of which epic films are made. I just hope our film is nowhere close to being over, I’m not ready for the credits to roll!

Be Prepared!

I was awakened this morning by a loud beeping noise. It seems that one of my machines is equipped 

with a safety feature whereby it beeps loudly when there is a power outage. Kind of like the emergency broadcast system. I always wondered what broadcasting an annoying beep did to save anybody.

I mean, if you didn’t realize the weather was bad, you are either sleeping, in which case your TV and radio are probably off and you’re most probably not hearing the alert or you’re stupid!

If you’re sleeping, what’s going to happen is going to happen, and wouldn’t you rather it happens to you in your sleep. If you’re stupid, well I’ll just leave it at that.

The power came back on within the hour, so I got myself all worked up for no reason. You see, when I’m asleep my body goes into a sort of survival mode, and its normal functions are slowed way down. When I first wake up, my secretions are increased, adding to that the stress of knowing that the power is out. Let’s just say I did a pretty good reenactment of the Poseidon Adventure.

Instead, I would have just slept through the whole ordeal and would have just awakened to a flashing alarm clock, letting me know that sometime during my peaceful slumber, there had been a power outage. I’d look at my adjustable clock and go about my day.

This morning, out of habit, I was tuned to channel two because of the weather threat. Because I am dependent on electricity, I wanted to be as prepared as possible. I have given up on TV, for the most part, and only occasionally watch a program, I never watch the news anymore. It seems they no longer have news, but a form of entertainment. 

I listened for as long as I could until I could get someone’s attention to turn it off. We would all be better people and have much more time with our families if we stopped watching television. An occasional movie is alright.

My family enjoys a movie night each week, with everyone taking a turn, picking what we watch. It sounds corny, but together, we can return society to what it once was.

So that’s how my day started! I hope yours started out better.

But did you ever have a time when you overreacted, and then later felt embarrassed about how you handled the situation?

“It’s OK, it probably was the result of a helpless feeling that you had. And preparing for such occasions can give you the peace of mind you need to get you through such ordeals.“

Perhaps standing and watching your home burn to the ground is never easy, but it’s always easier when you know that you’ve gotten everyone out safely, and everyone is wearing appropriate clothing for the weather, as opposed to standing in a cold April rain shivering in a huddled mass.

This is one of the few times I will admit that the government got it right. Have yourself an emergency response kit for every emergency and practice everyone’s roles in each of those situations, it could be the difference between life and death.

I practice my role in every situation every day. Lying in this bed and calmly waiting for help to come.

And let’s just say if today is any indication of how well I’ll do, then I obviously need more practice!

I guess it is a different kind of feeling knowing that your fate is in someone else’s hands. The truth is, when it comes right down to the fact that it’s in the Lord’s hands. Not that you shouldn’t do everything you can to save yourself from any tragic situation, we have free will for a reason.

Imagine someone standing before the Lord and the Lord who asks you, “Why are you here? “

“I was waiting for you to come and save me,” is your reply.

“Why didn’t you run away before the flames when you had the chance, and then why didn’t you go with the two firemen I sent to save you?” He presses back.

Sometimes you have to be willing to help yourself.

So take this for what it is worth, part rant, part public service announcement. Rarely do I want to tell people how to live their lives. Unless you are one of my kids of course!

If you don’t prepare for situations that are likely to strike, how can you possibly plan to survive? How does the saying go, people don’t plan to fail, they fail to plan!

I need to figure out a plan for a power outage that leaves me feeling like I’ve done everything I can. Not sitting and waiting for somebody else to do something!

I guess I should share that I’m a prepper. Not one of those tin foil hat-wearing kinds, but what I would consider one of those practical types. The kind our grandparents were.

I can still remember grandma “Putting up ” her green beans and potatoes, in Ball jars to be used at a later time. Keeping with the motto “Waste not, want not “.

We all need to revisit those times with earnest.

So put away something in honor of grandma and grandpa, someday you may be thanking them!

There are times that I’ll have an idea and start writing my blog, only to figure out that idea was just that, an idea, 

and not enough to carry me through the entire blog.

So, I will leave it there, revisiting it occasionally, and sometimes adding to it or stealing from it. But I was writing 

my BLOG and both thinking about what I had already posted, and a few things I have already written. It seems 

I wasn’t following my own advice and it took my wife to point it out.

That’s why I love her. She will look past my perfections and point out one of my few, and I do mean few, imperfections.

So, I would like to give true credit to my son John – Riley, and his wife Jerica. He has not only been my personal

 Barber. He has been my mailman and package deliverer as my mailbox is almost five miles away. He has also 

shuttled groceries to my wife and little girl. He has been a true friend through this whole ordeal, 

and I am proud to call him my son.

Another person that I am very proud of and thankful to is my daughter-in-law Jerica. 

She works full-time as an LPN and still manages to find time for me. She and my son have given me two 

fantastic grandchildren that I adore and yet they still find time for me.

So, I need to go back to sticking with my first instinct, it is right, except when it is wrong of course. 

Originally, I had included what you just read, in my cast of characters post, but because it was going long, 

I made some edits, and unfortunately, they became some of my edits.

I am big enough to admit when I am wrong. This world would be a much kinder and gentler place if everyone

could take responsibility for their actions, and admit when they are wrong. Just ask the Hatfields and McCoys!

On the wall directly in front of me, is a picture of me on our front landing, chilling in my new wheelchair! 

It represents freedom to me. It makes me think of those good ole days when I got my first car. A 1964 Ford Falcon 

convertible.

I had just turned 16, and I was no longer dependent on my parents! I could just jump in my car and think about 

how unfair it was that gas had just recently jumped from, 29 cents a gallon to, 50 cents!

But boy it was great, running down the road, radio blaring, and the wind in my hair!

Well, I don’t often move, and there’s no radio, and there’s only the wind in my hair if it is a breezy day, other than 

that it is exactly the same!

You would know what I mean if you had been stuck in bed for six months! Heck, an ambulance ride was a treat!

 Kind of like those days in school when you would get to go on a field trip. Only here I was strapped to a stretcher, 

in a mostly reclined position, and barely able to see out of the window. Other than that, it was exactly like a field trip!

The other day, we had a good old-fashioned barbecue like we did back in the day! I would stand around Grilling the 

pork steaks and hot dogs, and my wife would fix all the sides, and I’d laugh and joke with all the kids!

Only now, my son was doing the grilling, because I can’t move my arms or hold the tongs.  I don’t eat regular 

food because I eat through a tube.  I can’t chew and swallow, so I guess I’m a Vegan now. 

My “sides” came from Walmart. I don’t laugh and joke with everyone, because I am Mute. 

Other than that, it was exactly the same!

Cast of Characters

We each surround ourselves with people by choice or by necessity, I’m no different. It’s important that you learn who my players are, and that you figure out who your key players are along the way.

Ask yourself, if you had a serious, life-changing accident, who’s the first person you could expect to be right by your side?

Now I know this is where I’m going to lose a lot of you, but I don’t care. The answer is Jesus! No, this isn’t a religious BLOG, but when it comes to my faith, I make no apologies. Jesus is the first one I know I can count on.

Now when we’re talking earthbound souls, there is first my wife Jonell, she is an amazing woman and my true soul mate! When you are talking about supporting actors, you must ask yourself, if that person were playing BINGO and they were holding on one number to win, are they likely to stay and finish the game, or get right up and rush to be by your side when they hear that you are in need? You definitely want the latter here! And my wife is such a person. I’d go as far as to say few people would become a caretaker at all, much less for a paraplegic mute. Now that is a challenge, and let me go on record publicly and say, thank you, Jonell, I love you!

Next up, and a very pleasant surprise for me, is my daughter Lydia. At the tender young age of twelve, she has displayed more maturity than most people do in a lifetime. My wife has already said, and I believed it to be true, that she couldn’t do everything without the help of Lydia. This young woman, in the face of all adversity, remains calm, and never complains, even when she is wakened in the dead of night. When asked what she wanted for Christmas, without pause, she matter-of-factly said that all that she wanted was to have her dad home for Christmas, enough said!

Now, this next entry surprised me. Mostly because I wasn’t even sure I liked her when I first met her. Her name is Celia, and she is the woman that makes this BLOG possible, on many levels.

It has had to have crossed your mind, how does a guy, who doesn’t have the use of his arms or legs, and can’t speak, manage to write a BLOG? That’s where it gets really cool and Celia comes in.

Remember, I said I wasn’t even sure if I liked her at first?

So, this lanky woman breezes into my hospital room and sets up this contraption that is supposed to help me communicate better. Up until then, I had developed a technique of looking up for yes, and shaking my head for no. Crude I’ll admit, and it depended on the person I was communicating with to ask only yes or no questions, and sometimes caused confusion!

It was also hilarious when the person was unaware that up meant yes. I don’t know how many times I looked up indicating yes on my part, only to have the other party staring up at the ceiling, wondering what I was looking at!

So suddenly, my yes and no world was opened to a world of endless possibilities.

There was Celia.  She put my machine together, gave me some instructions on how it works, you see, these two cameras read my eye positioning, and when I look at the letters on a keyboard long enough, it records them into words, and by that method, I am eventually able to form sentences and communicate.

It’s funny sometimes, to have someone ask a question that requires a rather long response. As I peck away, there is an awkward silence, penetrated only by the sound of the clicks of the letters, and occasionally by a computer voice speaking the words, I’m forming. And that person, staring away, then at their watch if they have one, patiently waiting for me to peck out my response. Eventually, by the end of our conversation, you can see them choosing their words carefully. Only to ask questions that can be answered with a yes or no answer. We’ve come full circle!

I remember Celia coming into my hospital room one day, to make a Calibration on my machine, and I thought what she was doing was wrong, so I started shaking my head, and she started telling me to wait a minute, and I remember thinking, “Look, lady! Who lives with this machine 24/7 “?

I really can be an arrogant S. O. B. sometimes. I actually told her one time that I could take her job away from her!

But as time went by, and I got over my own self-importance, I began to realize, the caring and giving person that Celia really is.

It’s funny how sometimes you will pray and pray for something and wonder why your prayers aren’t being answered. When all the while you are staring at the answer. Celia has been the answer to my prayers in more ways than one. I thank God for bringing her into my life! And thank you, Celia, for all that you do for me!

As you can imagine, typing out a BLOG with your eyes can be a tedious task, to say the least, especially when you are a terrible speller and blind as a bat.

You see, if there’s one bone I’d like to pick with the creators of this technology, is that it doesn’t work for someone wearing glasses.

The rest of my entourage is made up of an assortment of family and friends that I hold dear to my heart. All do what they can, but I understand that they have their own lives, and their own families to take care of. Never feel any judgment on my part.

Starting with the nursing staff at Saint Clare, there are many nurses whose names I do not remember. Even though it was my home for 76 days. Through that time there are many I’d like to remember and some I’m glad I’ve forgotten. Like the nurse who left me unattended for several hours when I desperately needed to be Suctioned, or the nurse who bent my fingers back and told me I was alright when I really needed some pain medication.

For the most part, fortunately, those kinds of experiences were few and far between. They did occur frequently enough though that I told my wife to get me out of there, or I thought I was going to die there.
While I wish I could remember the names of the good nurses so I could give them a shout-out, they made my stay almost bearable, I do remember the names of a select few who are etched in my memory to stay.

There is of course Christina and Susan my speech therapists, who I always looked forward to seeing. This too is where Celia comes in, but as I said before, I didn’t even know if I liked her at that point. There’s my physical therapist whose name escapes me, but I always enjoyed our sessions, even though she caused me some pain. I knew it was for my own good!
Then, of course, there was Chantel (I don’t think I spelled that right.) Teresa, her twin, Gloria and so many more, whose faces I can see, but whose names escape me. If I didn’t mention you, it’s not because you didn’t leave an impression, it’s because I’m old and I’ve always had a hard time with names, forgive me.

One name that would be hard to forget is Connor. He was always my night nurse when he was on. We laughed and joked, and I made a friend. Connor would even stay after his shift sometimes and wheel my bed out to a panel of Windows, so I could get a good view of the outside. His compassion was incredible, and I will always be grateful for his extra measure of care.

That was my first home; like I said, it was a 76-day-long tenancy that scared and pleased me. Though I am certain I would never like to repeat it, I learned a lot about how I can persevere and a great deal about myself and how much I depend on others.

My next stop was as interesting as it was brief. It was to be my home until I showed improvement, but it would be instead a brief education on survival!

When I arrived, no one greeted me or even acknowledged my presence. Occasionally someone would peer inside my door and then walk by.

Medication time came and went without a soul coming by. Then around ten, two people came into the room, one of them lifted my hospital gown, indicated to the other that I was clean, and then turned and led the other person out of the door saying that she had no idea where I came from or who I was. Comforting!

There was another visitor who wandered into my room, I learned his name was Lenard, and he lived in the room across the hall. But because I could not speak, I guessed he board of our one-sided conversation, and he left still talking to himself. Lenard would be the last visitor I would have that evening.

Beginning at about seven a.m. My second day began, though I had spent most of the night awake, interrupted by only short bouts of sleep, as I was concerned that nobody knew I was there.

In came Celia with a man she introduced as her husband Johnny. She could see the look of relief on my face. She started setting up the machine and then noticed that my humidifier was empty. How long has this been empty? She asked as she grabbed a jug of water sitting nearby and started filling the humidifier. All I could do was give her a look of bewilderment as my machine was not yet set up. She finished with a look of disgust and then turned to finish with my eye gaze machine.

When done, she then Calibrated it to my eyes, at which time I typed out the message, “I’m back “, Celia just rolled her eyes.

I spent a total of four days in that facility. I never knew whether I was going to eat. It was the same when it came to my medications, which was probably for the best. When I got home (my desired destination), I found another person’s medications. So, I don’t know whether that means I was given her medications, she was given mine, or a combination of both. Let’s just say I’m happy to be out of there!

My third, and what I expect will be my final stop, if I have my way, is my home! Some were opposed to my coming here because of its remoteness.
Let me tell you there is no place I would rather be! No pandemic rules to follow and no visiting hours either! Just common sense, the way we’ve always done it.

That brings me first to a group called Kindred Care. They are the ones providing my primary care or Hospice care. outside my wife and daughter of course. They are Jen, Mary, Dawn, Amanda, Josh, and a support team that my wife talks to, but whose names I do not know but they are all exceptional.

Finally, there are my text buddies they consist of both family and friends. There are my sisters, Theresa and Pam, I talk to them almost every day. There’s my father and my Aunt Sue. There’s Tab and Gordon. Eddie, Ron, my son John – Riley and his wife Jerica, my son Scott and his wife Abby, there’s Christina and my half-sister Deb and last but certainly not least, there’s Celia and her husband John. I’m sure I’ve forgotten someone… sorry!

These are the people who are in my life. I plan to grow that list.

So, while you can, decide who is worth your time.

I do appreciate you spending some time with me. Celia tells me you can sign up to get notifications when I make my next post, don’t worry, your information is safe with me. I haven’t even figured out how to get out of bed!

In The Beginning

Imagine if you will it’s almost bedtime, and you start to think about all the things you need to get done tomorrow. Of course, there’s work, tomorrow I need to be there at one. And then, the car is due for an oil change, if I leave early for work, I should be able to get it done in time and you still have to get registered with some other companies for AEP (Insurance Term), it’s just around the corner. I’ll have time to do that during my lunch break. Then you told your son you’d swing by his place to take a look at his jeep, it’s making a strange noise. You can leave even earlier for work, that hopefully won’t take too long.

Sound familiar? Although the list of things to be done will be different, it’s what each of us goes through almost every night. Planning a day so full that we don’t leave ourselves much wiggle room. And when something goes wrong, we stress out. And when we stress out, we cause those around us to get stressed. Not a healthy way to live. All of this is going through your head as you sit in your recliner, half-watching some TV show. Can we call that relaxing?

Then suddenly you start to get dizzy from all the relaxing, and you realize it’s not going away. Something’s wrong and even your wife and little girl struggle to get you to your feet.

I had a heart attack four years earlier, but this didn’t feel like that. This had all the telltale signs of a stroke. 911 was called, but it would be an hour before they got here, one of the disadvantages of living deep in the woods.

So there I sat in my recliner, getting increasingly worse. My wife stroked my face and fought back her tears, and my little girl, clinging to one arm and quietly sobbing, and all we could do was wait.

At about the one-hour mark, just as expected, the ambulance arrived, and by that time I had slipped into some sort of jelly-like state, with my wife almost holding me in my recliner. Speech was something I understood clearly, but I could not form a sentence or answer in understandable words. Nonetheless, questions were asked of me, but the answers came out like some strange alien language until I was no longer asked any questions, and they would speak instead, directly to my wife.

Eventually, the two female paramedics struggled to get me on the stretcher and into the back of the ambulance. There I guess they played a version of guess my weight because I heard one of them ask, “what do you think, about 250? “
I was appalled, I was 183, I had weighed myself that morning.
“250 sounds about right, “I heard a response.

I tried but was unable to respond. In fact, those were the last words I remember hearing.

I woke up in the hospital, two days later, to the sound of my dad’s voice.
That occurred on September 22, 2021. Some six months ago. Half a year in bed and I am considered one of the lucky ones. Most die from the type of stroke I had. The ones that live, die in under four months. Well, I’ve surpassed four months, and at six am still going strong!

We don’t really know why some people die from a lethal heart attack, while others survive it. There is no real reason why when the brain gets deprived of oxygen for hours, it takes them from this earth, but spares a select few.
I’ve been diagnosed with “Locked in syndrome “. Not much is really known about this condition. It is a brain stem issue and has to do with the brain. And if you ask questions about it you’ll get a lot of “we don’t really know “and” only time will tell “answers.

If the “Experts” don’t know, then we are left to assume, that nobody has the answers.

I’m not the man I was before my stroke. Six months in bed will do that to you. Quite honestly, if I had the chance to somehow get up out of this bed, but there is a chance, that everything I learned about myself over the last six months would be forgotten, I’d have a difficult choice. You see I’ve grown over these past six months into a kinder, more patient individual. I don’t think I want to lose that; in fact, I know I don’t.

So, if it takes me a year to recover, and I do believe that I’m going to recover. I will do so while I continue to learn about myself and grow in ways, I think we were meant to grow.

Come along on my journey and discover things about you that are hiding and waiting to be discovered!

On the next edition of Bedhead Bob: Life and Times!